my cousin is annoying. go away tyler.

Earlier this summer, a friend of mine from high school died. It was very sad for me, because we are both so very young, and he was so very talented...

But htis entry is about seeing his mother today on the city bus on my way home from work...

She recognized me - I didn't even recognize her til we had been talking for a minute or so. (I'm not good with faces) She talked to me about Kevin , and about cutters and about her children still alive and her other sons upcoming ,marriage and her personal loss. Both amazing and heartbreaking, certainly hte most amazing and emotional bus ride i've ever had.

And now I'm thinking about loss, and how we should treat people, and trying to sort out exactly what i fee labout Kevin, and his death, and how he has effected me, through the years we were friends, the years we were close, the years after high school, and how he has affected me now that he is gone.

I liked his personality, he was kind and generous, and a good time to be around. I hated his sense of humor. He was so very good at describing things that the images got in your head and stayed there.

It would be unfair to say I miss him, as we had only spoken on msn for some time. But i really liked him a lot.

This is based on a quote from Walt Whitman, whom, I love. It is used in hte play democracy, which is where i first heard it. And obviously is in one of his poems. I believe it was one of hte ones published in Leaves of Grass.

This is my T.S. Eliot icon - the quote is from 'The Wasteland - The Burial of the Dead'. I wanted a bright light, as in hte obvious "heart of light". Interestingly, I was having a hard time to find hte right underimage... so I went to google and typed in "the heart of light" and this is one of hte images that popped up. The Burial of hte Dead id my favorite section of hte Wasteland, particularly the bit about hyacinths...

You gave me hyacinths first a year ago;
"They called me hte hyacinth girl"
-Yet when we came back, late, from the hyacinth garden
Your arms full and your hair wet I could not
Speak, and my eyes failed, I was neither
Living nor dead, and I knew nothing
Looking into the heart of light, the silence.
Oed'und leer das Meer

This is my Pablo Neruda icon, with a mystery naked woman. I liked the warm sepia tones with the idea of "crosses of fire".

I have gone marking the atlas of your body
with crosses of fire
My mouth went across: a spider, trying to hide
In you, behind you, timid, driven by thirst.

I just made some icons!!! Yay me!!!! It was really fun to make them - for most of them i sarted with quotes i really like - but since i'm not a paid account - and don't have them on a website somewhere, I can't post them in here.... but i really really like them. I'm going to isolate each of them in an entry...

So this one is based on a quote fro mMartha Graham. I find it very inspiring.

There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium; and be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is, not how it compares with other expression. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is on a queer, divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.”


Althgouh I find hte end pompous. "than hte others" she says. I don't like that bit.... but i do like the idea of keeping hte channel open, and your expression being unique and important....

My family has reached a whole new level of dysfunction.

I hereby vow that I will bring no child, either by natural birth, or by adoption into this family for rearing. Others may insist on extending my family's harmful ways, I desist. I give up. I want to part of this family, and I will not add in any way to this family. I am done.

Sometimes you let too much time go inbetween entries, and then you know there's all this stuff to update, but you just don't feel like it. That's me.

Currently, I'm planning on winning the lottery. i figure this will solve my current finacial woes, and get me off OSAP, whch i hate anyway. And if i win enough, when i'm done school i'll buy a house. i've always wanted my own house. with lots of rooms, so i can have an office, so can my significant other, then my kid gets a bedroom, and a seperate playroom. and i want a library, and a craft room, and all hte other super obvious stuff like bathrooms and a kitchen and stuff. Now that i've so thouroughly planned out my expenditures, all i have to do now is win the money.

Now i'm just waiting expectantly.

About fifty bazillion years ago, I posted this entry about song lines, and thier titles, and only one person answered (which is why Kaiti is cooler and better than all of you), so I'm just going to list all my song titles and stuff.... here it is.




1. Try to ignore all this blood on the floor, It's just the heart on my sleeve that keeps bleeding BURN

2. On the first part of the journey, i was looking at all the life. HORSE WITH NO NAME

3. She's listening through the airshaft, to see how long our swan song lasts. GRAFFITI

4. Listen as your day unfolds, challenge what the future holds. GOTTA BE STRONGER

5. Hermit crabs and colored shells crush beneath his feet as he comes towards you. F-STOP BLUES

6. You took your coat off, and stood in the rain. FOOLISH GAMES

7. On the mountain was a treasure, buried deep beneath the stone. ONE TIN SOLDIER

8. Uh, the hatch is coming open. Okay, it's open. Movin outside. Okay, I'm letting ...go. I'm starting to drift away... It really is dark out here. SPACEWALK

9. Such pretty hair. May I kiss you? May I kiss you? KISSING YOU

10. Paper faces on parade. Hide your face so the world will never find you. MASQUARADE

11. Close your eyes for your eyes will only see the truth. MUSIC OF THE NIGHT

12. Come cross this river of fire, to sleep in this bed of desire. NEW MESSIAH

13. Be courageous and be brave, and in my heart you'll always Be FOREVER YOUNG

14. Where have all the good men gone? Wheres the streetwise Hercules to fight HERO

15. I want to run, but she make me crawl. SWEETEST THING

16. Anything you want to, do it. Want to change the world, there's nothing to it PURE IMAGINATION

17. High above the mucky muck, castle made of clouds WONDERBOY

18. The phone rings, it's early it's seven o'clock, he says sorry I woke you, but i just had to talk. THE FLAG

19. Don't do me favors, let me watch you from a distance. I'M EASY

20. A little bit heiress, a little bit Irish, a little bit tower of pisa whenever I see ya CIGGARETTES AND CHOCOLATE MILK

21. Exit light, enter night, take my hand, we're off to never never land ENTER SANDMAN

22. I have climbed the highest mountain, I have run through the fields ... i can't remember

23. If your memories do stray, than they betray, all that's past. WALKING WOUNDED

24. Do you remember when we used to sing "sha la la la la la la la la latty dah" BROWN EYED GIRL

25. They could hear the riders coming, he said this is my last fight, if they take me back to Texas, they won't take me back alive. SEVEN SPANISH ANGELS

PARENTAL

ADVISORY

DARLA CONTAINS EXPLICIT LYRICS

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com

There really comes a point after you've left your blog for so long, that you (or I) become unsure whether to both continuing or not. It seems so much has passed since the last entry, and yet of course, nothing really does.

Summer is hot. Work is long. And boring, often. Home is far from work and very very hot.

I was in toronto this past weekend searchign for a home, and have, thankfully, found one quite close to ryerson, decently sized and with a good landlady. There is a lot of space to do gardening, which I expect to be doing. There is a back yard ( I know, shocking, isn't it? a back yard downtown toronto?) even.

I look forward (ha! get it? get it?) to living there, and vow not to spend a single penny until i get to toronto, so i can buy prettys for the house.

~Darla

9:22pm
In Carps today, I got a lot of work done, and my group accomplished a lot of hte paperwork for the Son et Lumiere project that we've been working on. I still have 4 more parts of the project to finish, and I still haven't even started the paperwork project for sound class based on The Night of hte Iguana by Tennesse Williams. It's a lot of work, really, and I should be getting back to it right now, as it's only 9:30, and I'm getting kinda tired. But I don't want to start it yet. sigh.

I ushered for a fashion show yesterday night. It was sold out, and I'm cheap, so I got to see the show for free, AND I got a little gift bag. How cool is that? Not that it was a great gift bag, it wasn't really, but hte magazine in nice.

This is me trying to build myself up to getting back to work...

Instead of working, how about i list hte stuff I've got built for carps class? Excellent idea, Darla. Here we go:

- 13"x14.5" Lock box, painted taupey-beigey-pink with purple/blue details(and by details, I mean I painted the hinges.)
- 7"x7" little box painted the the same colors as above, but hte whole inside of the box is the purpley-blue color and has three hearts painted on the top.
- 3 ft long "toolbox" which is actually a planter box painted vibrant green with a lot of black marks which will be turned into butterflies and dragonflies later.
- 1 ft wide sculpture twirly table, so I can do arty stuff and pretend I'm an artist.
- 1 1/2ft by 3 ft canvas frame painted white so i can do a painting on it after the teacher's marked me on it
- a sword, because we had to cut out a shape on the bandsaw, and I didn;t know what to do, so I copied hte people who went before I did. I may not be original, but i'm honest about it.

You know, it really doesn't seem like much when look at it all compiled in a list like that. Well that sucks. I'm off to finish my two projects now, so i can truely feel productive without it being a lie.

12:04am (actually Friday now)
Finished Son et Lumiere paperwork! Huzzah!

Must go read Night of the Iguana and compile a soundscape now.

3:37am
Soundscape finished. It's crappy. I realized in the home strech I had screwed up. Too tired to care particularly. Ironically awake now.

Goodnight, goodnight, a thousand times goodnight.

Jumping on the band wagon. :p

1. On your current playlist, hit shuffle and pick the first twenty-five songs on the list (no matter how cheesy or embarrassing).
2. Write down a line of the song. try to avoid putting the song title in the line.
3. Have your friends comment and see if they know the songs. (NO CHEATING!) <-please don't use google. That's no fun.
4. When someone guesses correctly, strike out the line and list the correct name of the song next to it.

Stolen from Redknox... hopefully more fun then I'm currently having

( let the games begin )

(x) snuck out of the house
(x) gotten lost in your city
(x) saw a shooting star
( ) been to any other countries besides the united states
( ) had a serious surgery
(x) gone out in public in your pyjamas
(x) kissed a stranger
(x) hugged a stranger
( ) been in a fist fight
( ) been arrested
(x) done drugs
(x) had alcohol
( ) laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose
(x) pushed all the buttons on an elevator
( ) made out in an elevator
(x) swore at your parents
( ) kicked a guy where it hurts
(x) been in love
(x) been close to love
( ) been to a casino
( ) been skydiving
( ) broken a bone
(x) been high
(x) skinny-dipped
(x) skipped school
( ) flashed someone
(x) saw a therapist
(x) done the splits
(x) played spin the bottle
( ) gotten stitches
( ) drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
(x) bitten someone
(x) been to Niagara Falls
(x) gotten the chicken pox
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex
(x) kissed a member of the same sex
( ) crashed into a friend's car
( ) been to Japan
(x) ridden in a taxi
(x) been dumped
(x) shoplifted
( ) been fired
(x) ever had a crush on someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
(x) stole something from your job
( ) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher
( ) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
( ) been to Europe
( ) slept with a co-worker
( ) been married
( ) gotten divorced
( ) had children
( ) saw someone die/dying
( ) been to Africa
( ) Driven over 400 miles in one day
(x) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Mexico
( ) Been on a plane
(x) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
( ) Thrown up in a bar
(x) Purposely set a part of myself on fire
(x) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been snowboarding
( ) Met someone in person from the internet
( ) Been moshing at a rock show
( ) Been to a moto cross show
( ) lost a child
( ) gone to college
( ) graduated college
( ) done hard drugs
( ) tried killing yourself
( ) taken painkillers
( ) had someone cheat on you
( ) cheated on someone
(x) love someone or miss someone right now


I can't say I'm original, but that was fun. :)

Tomarrow's my six month anniversary with my significant other. I'm very excited. We're going out for dinner (my treat) then out to the theatre for a play (their treat)

That's pretty much all I have to write today.

YAYYYYYYY

As titled, I am feeling "violently frusterated"

I've never been good at waring (warring? war-ing?)being at war with someone. Especially subtle, silent wars. Somehow, I've pissed someone off quite a bit, but because of the nature of our relationship, instead of wanting to talk about it, the best course of action seems to be silently seething.
But what can I do? I've tried to initiate conversation, get shut down. I'm just going to disappear from thier lives for awhile, they can let me know when they want me back. This just PISSES ME OFF.

Well, I'm definitely failing a class in university. I'm not quite sure what it is specifically about this class that i just can't comprehend... Sure the teacher's an idiot, and can't teach very well, but other people are learning from the textbook, whilst I(!) find it nearly impossible to retain any of the information from the lectures. I do fine in the lab parts of the class, and by fine I mean well... but in the class, oh how lost I am. But all I need is a 50. A pass. And then I'll never think about Electricity again... After all, the guy (or girl) who got 50 in med school's still a Doctor.

In class today we were talking about copyright law, and I learned something interesting. Apparently, you don't need to go through any processes to copyright something. As soon as you have finished writing something and attached a date to it, it's copyrighted to you. So these journals, the stories people post on them, all copyrighted. I found it fascinating.

Goodness me my life is dull... I'll fix it later, I think.